Saturday, October 28, 2006

Sims Threatens Google and Poly - Sesame Street Fights Back

"You mess with the birds you mess with us" is the new rallying cry coming from one of the - formally - quietest and happiest addresses in all of PBS. That's right, Sesame Street is going hardcore.
"When we read the headline in the Vancouver Province we could not believe our permanently opened eyes," spokesperson Bert exclaimed.
And what was that headline? Why it was, "Sims, BCTF sue Google over comments in blog about B.C. politics." And what blog was that? Well, allegedly, this intrepid Poly.
Upon hearing the news that Google (Motto: You can search for things other than porn, you know!) and Poly were facing some of the same bullying tactics used on teachers earlier this year in Nicola Valley, the citizens of Sesame Street decided to fight back in the name of Big Bird and Poly.
"Me want justice for birds - and cookie - but justice first!", Cookie Monster declared. "Me want justice!"
In the statement of claim filed in B.C. Supreme Court, Jinny Sims, President of the British Columbia Teachers' Federation (BCTF) indicates she "...did not kidnap beloved Sesame Street character Big Bird and threaten to kill him/her in response to the Functional Skills Assessment test." Interesting to note, Big Bird could not be found for comment.
"Elmo knows what she says," annoying merchandising whore Elmo squeaked. "But Elmo see the pictures and Elmo knows that Photoshopped pictures on the Internet don't lie. She just don't like birds. She's a birdist."
This leads to the question of why does Sims and the BCTF have such a full, throbbing, raging hate on for Big Bird and in turn, this intrepid Poly? For this answer we turned to our usual BCTF contact, Ms. N. Joy Spankalotti.
"Ms. Sims does not hate birds," Spankalotti retorted, "She just hates conflicting verbal and written expressions which differ from her BCTF driven rhetoric. And bocce ball. She REALLY hates bocce ball."
At least one pundit is speculating that this lawsuit is in retaliation for Poly leaking the BCTF strike plan memo - a memo which received quite a bit of press and forced the BCTF to explain why they were making such plans during contract negotiations. This is similar to the defamation suit the BCTF filed against Premier Campbell in May 2005, which went nowhere.
"Silence!", Spankalotti shrieked. "If Google knows what's good for them they will obey Jinny and answer our claims!"
As of this writing, Google has not filed a statement of defense or even acknowledged the suit.
"Hehehehehe, and why should they?", Sesame Street uprising mastermind Ernie asked. "This lawsuit is without merit. In fact, it's crap. Hehehehehe"
"Oh, it's "crap" is it pumpkin head?", Spankalotti spat, "Well, you BETTER NOT post a list of easy to click on links to the allegedly offending stories which let people see the humourous and satirical nature of the posts mixed with links to source material confirming the underlying truths to which Jinny is claiming to be offensive. Now THAT would be crap!"